THE LOST WEEKEND

No match report this weekend, for which I sincerely apologise.

I set off on Friday for a long arranged family weekend in Cornwall, a colleague was to phone me details of Friday’s match and any other worthwhile news and I was to use my laptop to send the article(s) as soon as I had written them.

So far so good, we arrived in the delightful Cornish village of Kingsand on Friday lunchtime, unpacked and set sail for hostelry number one, The Rising Sun. Brother Roger, an equally avid Ashton afficianado was in attendance and we enjoyed a pint or two of Helligan Honey bitter to wash down our sumptuous crab sandwiches.

Our stroll back to our splendid accommodation took us within 50 yards of hostelry two, the Devonport Arms, it seemed churlish not to stop and sample their wares and so we did, before meandering homewards for an early evening family meal.

The phone rang as we had barely consumed our first mouthful, Steve Brooker had scored, 1-0 up and all was well with the world.

The meal was excellent, as was the news from Milton Keynes, City were dominating and it seemed only a matter of time until the lead was extended.

By the start of the second half we were, once more, ensconced in the Rising Sun, leaving the treats of the Halfway House, the Cross Keys and the Cawsand Bay Hotel for the following day.

A pint or two more of the aptly named Helligan Honey slipped down, the reports from MK Dons were a little more concerning, the lads were on the back foot but the defence were holding out well , all were on top form with Basso, Fontaine and Woodman receiving special praise from my reporter on the terraces.

The minutes were dragging a little , surely the final whistle had blown by now but still the phone did not ring and still the Helligans slipped down.

Finally , good reader, at five past ten my correspondent made contact, City had indeed taken the three points and a massive step toward first division safety, a fine team performance I was informed as I was fed comprehensive detail of the victory.

Brother was now embibing copious quantities of vodka and coke while I manfully managed to force down a few more celebratory pints and by midnight, to cut a long story short, writing my article did not seem like a good idea.

Bright and breezy on Saturday morning, I found the old laptop and eager to inform, looked to plug into the telephone connection. There wasn’t one available, honestly, it was a pay phone and the connection was lockable. My wife had, by now, set off in our car to visit aged Aunty in Fowey, so brother and I hotfooted it to the local Post Office, sure that they would be able to assist. No such luck, they thought the nearest internet cafe was in Torpoint but there might just be a chance of assistance at the Cawsand Bay Hotel.

A swift walk across the bay and we were the first in the Cawsand Bay bar, where we ordered a couple of coffees, really we did, before discovering that there was no internet line available there after all. Finishing our intake of caffeine we departed the Hotel Bar but had to pass the entrance to the Hotel’s new beach bar and noticed that Soccer AM was being shown.

Probably they’ll be showing Stevie Brooker’s goal says Brother, full of good ideas and the best of intentions, so in we went- draught Carlsberg and San Miguel seemed like a good choice. An hour or two later, still no City action, so we left and called into the Cross Keys for a snifter, then the Halfway House, then the Devonport for a couple.
We ought not to miss out the Rising Sun says I, they were very hospitable in there last night, so we just popped in for a quick couple there.

Finally we returned to the billet and collapsed in front of the television to catch the results and to prepare ourselves for an evening out. Funnily enough, I had by now decided that my report would have to wait, our women folk did not seem too pleased with us and contacting solicitors was mentioned. Perhaps it was time to behave like a good husband- needless to say it did not work out quite that way, the celebrations went on into the night and on Sunday, we were a little off colour- we wondered if the crab had been off, we could not think of any other reason for our malaise.

We’re back home now, the wife has started talking to me again and normal service will now be resumed on this site , I promise.

Well done to Steve and all the team for a fine win, sorry we weren’t there to cheer you on but down in Cornwall the celebrations were quite something !!